Gi Ho...
May 2012. The Indian Adventure.
BA Business Class. This is better than you can actually imagine. First off the Club world Lounge. Food and all the drink you can wish for. My tipple of choice today is Grey Goose Citrone with 7up or Diet Coke. Accompanied with pastries, then olives than some salad/sandwiches without crusts, You know you've made it when the sandwiches lose their crusts haha.
Watched We Bought a Zoo. I sobbed. This is the point the head of the cabin crew decides to park herself on the nearest seat to start up a conversation on my first experience in Club World. Kinda busy 'ere. Anyway, had the food; amazing!!! On real plates and real knifes and forks AND I got chocolate ice cream; WINNER.
Sleeping tablet time. I ask for a vodka diet coke. The drink they brought was literally laced with vodka; so much so you could see through it. This got me to sleep for all of an our and half. So more vodka and another sleeping tablet required got me through another 2.5 hours.
Landed in Hyderabad local time 4:30. I'm shattered. Even the 'free' Elemis spa set is not disguising the bags under my eyes. For the first time I experience India's heat. 30 degrees. Its 5am. 30 degrees. My oh my. Checked in for the Air India flight to Vizag; the only person who checked my passport was the guy who took it for ID on entering the actual airport. Went the toilet, the lady wanted a tip. Are you f-ing kidding me, you opened the door, and i have zero cash to its tough luck.
Boarded the flight; pretty much empty, tried to get some sleep but excitement got the better of me and I didn't catch a wink. Landed in Hyderabad and got offered taxis all over the shop. Oh and they stare. Like properly stare at you. Now I know what its like to be in the minority. Couldn't find my taxi man which resulted in a slight panic on my part and then running over a mans foot with the luggage trolley. Anyways, found the taxi driver. Indian roads leave a lot to be desired. The drive was relatively normal but there's all these mini buses/fruit wagon type things. Motorcyclist's don't wear helmets and on driving to the hotel I realise that Comic Relief isn't a big blag; this place really is poverty stricken.
Tea is burning hot lentil and tomato curry avec Kingfisher beer. Theres a horrendous storm, with fork lightening, the works. The leccy kept cutting out so I was eating in the dark but it was cool to watch the lightening dancing over the sea. Couple of vodkas in the bar writing this very blog. Day One done. Pretty good so far!! :-)
Day Two. Shiiiiiit. Forgot to take my malaria tablet yesterday, doing well Catherine I see. Oh well, I haven't even seen a mosquito yet. I'll be fine. Watermelon, eggs, papaya and coffee for breakfast. Papaya tastes like vomit. Never again!!! I resume my spot by the pool; maybe tomorrow I'll venture out?? Barman; can I make you a cocktail ma'am. Let me think about that for all of one second. Yes you can. Cocktail is good. Time for a cigarette. Cigaretta, cocktail, sitting by the pool in 40 degree heat. Life is good. So whilst I slowly get drunk/smoke myself to death I am beginning to realise I am the hotels latest attraction. A white lady, in a bikini, smoking and drinking. WTF. One teenage girl shyly asks for a picture with me, I look like crap but I oblige. Mistake. This draws in the crowds with anyone by the pool wanting a picture.
Full body scrub done, nap and tea. Then yep, bar again. I'm slightly worried about developing an alcohol problem but other than go the bar what am I supposed to do?? TV is shocking; it's not safe to go outside the hotel alone and I can't sit in my room, cabin fever will get me way faster there. So off I go, armed with laptop and kindle for a lonely night in the bar. The pool/barman sees me on facebook and makes me add him there a then. Little weird but never mind. I'm beginning to realise India people are very different in terms of social situations ie whats appropriate and what isn't. They burp and spit all the time. Clearing the throat turns my stomach, as does belching yet they don't see it as anything wrong. The men seem to think its their god given right to sit with you even if you look like you're busy. It's not like their fit, I probably wouldn't mind if they were...
Day 3. Ok, I need some normal conversation other than hotel staff/guests wanting to know hows my day been out of politeness/wheres the white lady from. Monday. Its a work day. So I fire up the laptop and head down to the pool. I can work and get a tan. This is a good working day!
The guys arrive and we agree to have dinner at 7:30. They are nice, not quite like me but I think thats an age difference but hey at least its a conversation. The pool boy is currently my new best mate and after his revelation that if he leaves the hotel he's going to jail well I want to distance myself as much as possible.
Day 4. One hour and a quarter drive or should I say near death experience to get to the plant. Man. That drive was horrendous. Cars and auto rickshaws everywhere. Driving policy; just go. Christ. Cows all over the shop. Pigs, rubbish, street traders. This is industrial India though and not the brightly coloured bazaars and streets you might imagine. It's horrible. Dirty. Outrageously poor. We pass through a kind of farming area, theres these little teepee shape huts made wood and covered with palms. I'm not sure if thats shelter for the cows or a persons house. I suspect the latter. Pretty standard day at work. However, this wobbling of the head is really beginning to hack me off now. You ask a question, the people give a none committal answer and wobble the head. If you don't know, stop wasting my time and say you don't know rather than leading me up the garden path and then I find out anyway!
So back to the hotel and dinner. Curry. Again. Boom. However, we do mix things up a little today and go the the hotels second restaurant. A typical Indian restaurant. It was good. So, beer anyone? No, they're gonna go to the room. This is gonna be a long two weeks. I had resolved not to smoke during the week, but i look like a loser just drinking, and i don't know what to do with my hands and the Indians think I'm mental sitting outside just for the sake of it. So I light up.
Day 5. Work done. Curry done. Bar. Here I meet Revanth and his mate. Revanth is staying at the hotel, he's been here three months. His mate's Dad is the hotel owner. These Indians are rich. Revanth went to uni in New Zealand and his mate in Leeds, so not typically Indian. I have time for them, they are normal and not just out to marry me. This sounds presumptuous that every man wants to marry me, but in India getting married is the aim of life. Anyway, we swap numbers as we're around the same age and its someone to hang out with.
Theres a group of middle aged men, getting drunk who decide I should join them. I don't want to, even if they're just being friendly, they look pervy. Q Cristian to the rescue. Cristians Italian. It was his birthday the day before so he buys beers. He's short. Thats unfortunate as he's quite cute otherwise. He's an engineer working at a pharmaceutical factory installing a machine with his colleague Massimo. He offers to be my friend and in some kind of unspoken agreement I know that Cristian will be here everynight as someone to talk to. YIEEES!
Nothing much happens on Thursday, except me and Cristian are by now seriously bored of India. Sick of being stuck in the hotel, sick of the head wobble, sick of curry and sick of excuses. It would be fair to say Thursday is a downer day.
Friday. PARTY TIME. No. We're in India. I sincerely doubt anything different will happen tonight than any other night except Revanth has text to go for a drink. So, me and Cristian meet Revanth at the bar. His friend Varsha (girl who went to uni in England - get in I have a female friend!!) and Vijay are here too as it's his birthday. Is this a miniature party potentially?? Yes. It was. Beers and shots all round. All purchased by Revanth and Vijay. Everyone discussses travels/music/films and we get drunk. Then we play taps. No ordinary taps, everytime you're out you have to do a shot. Oh my god. I've taken to saying this a lot as Cristian says it alllllll the time. The guys tell us of some bars to go on Saturday, they can name all of two thats how exciting Vizag is, but they promise to take us out on Saturday night. Brilliant.
Saturday morning. Alarm goes off. My head hurts and oh shit. Theres a man in my bed. Goes by the name of Cristian. Fuck a duck. Make from this what you will but I'm gonna put it out there, whatever you're thinking is probably correct. Cristian goes to work, I nurse my hangover yet again by the pool.
Got to get ourselves up for the 'big night out', so I have dinner with Cristian and Massimo; the guys from work waved me off in the lift with a 'see you on Monday' on Friday night so I'm not banking on seeing them at all this weekend. Thank god for the Italians. I would have nothing to do. Anyway, Revanth and Varsha text, they aren't coming out, too hungover. Me and the Italians go for a walk. Yes like an actual walk where I left the hotel without the saftey of a car. Immediately I realise this is a mistake. The people stare, the kids come upto you begging, people whistle and shout to you. Masimmo and Cristian have taken to calling me Kate, after Kate Middleton, because the Indians are 'so obssessed by the white lady I must be royalty'. We go back after about 15 minutes and decide to try and get the Champions League on in the bar. This is a battle. The bar is shut at 11. Match kicks off at 11:30. We call Revanth. Revanth sorts it.
Kick off. The bar doesn't have subscription to the channel. FFS. Revanth again sorts it. Chelsea win. It's 3:30 after extra time and penalties. Bed time.
Sunday! Whoop. The guys from Cristian and Massimos work are taking us to the beach, I say us as I spend all my free time with them. They are fun and have introduced me to Tacata. The most stupid but fun song ever. Tacata cheers us all up when we are discussing how shit Vizag is. Sandeep, Locesh and someone else pick us up at 12. We stop for beers and head to the beach. Lets catch some rays!!! No, Kate, you must leave your clothes on. I'm sorry, I beg your pardon. Crisitan informs me Sandeep has told him I need to leave my shorts and t shirt on for my own safety or I will get mobbed. Brilliant. You can still go in the sea but must leave your clothes on. Er hello, have you never heard of chaffing?? Shorts + sea = chaffe. No ta. I'll sit here on the beach and drink beers why yous go in the sea. Secretly I think I have the better deal here.
The boys get a body board and go off playing. Its a shame Cristians so short, he's actually fun and even a little bit funny too. Lunchtime. Sandeep takes us to a local resort hotel and we have curried crab and chicken from the Tandoor with some noodles and more beers. Life is good. I'm beginning to see a pattern of food + beer = happy Catherine! We now have a favourite song being Tacata by Tacabro. Cristian and Massimo introduced me to it and whenever theres a quiet/bored moment, we break out into sing and dance to Tacata. This has been established over the course of the week but I forgot to mention it.
Work. Dull. Food, bar for a beer. Cristian wants me to go for a party in his room. No. I'm tired. I go to bed. The next day I wake up sick. I feel as rough as a bears arse and I'm convinced I have malaria. No you don't Cath, its just the dreaded Delhi belly. I go straight to bed when I get in from work, after calling maintenance as I've tripped the electric in the room. I want to cry over a fricking light. Defs time for a sleep. I wake upto a text of Crisitian worried as he didn't see me at dinner. He comes to see me 'to make me smile' and brings water to make me feel better. Did I mention it's a shame he's so short?? And he keeps insisting I go to Bologna on holiday to visit him. Sure; I love holidays and Italy!!! He's still too short.
Wednesday I feel better but still sick. I nap after work again and wake to another text from Crisitian saying he has some weed if I want some. Hell yeah. I go for a spliff then make a classic excuse of I need to go call my mum. Cristian has got on to the fact I am always sleepy/tired/sick/need to call my mum when it's time for what he calls 'relax'. He's sulking. Shame. He was fun.
Thursday. Work's all done except for the closing meeting. Boom. Party time. Meet Varsha and Revanth by the pool and arrange a drink as its Cristians and Massimos last night. I text Cristian. He isn't coming, he's tired. Yeah right, sulking more like. Needless to say, he turns up and buys the drinks anyway. We say our tearful (they weren't) goodbyes and go to bed. I go to Cristians for a smoke. You can make the rest up by yourself.
Friday night. I am bored. Nobody to hang out with. Go to the bar with the manager. Mumbai tomorrow. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!! Get me out of Vizag!
First day in Mumbai. It looks relatively normal, except for the traffic. Horrendous. I honestly don't think I've ever experienced traffic as bad anywhere in all my life. Bumper to bumper. And the beggars knock on the windows of the cars which is a little daunting and a bit upsetting. We're staying at the Holiday Inn by the airport which is North Mumbai. The action is in South Mumbai. The pools on the roof so I head there with a stash of tourist paraphanailia and my ipod. Saturday night we get the hotel car down town to find Leopold cafe, famous for the terrorist attacks in 2008. The car gets lost but eventually after an hour and a half we find it. Its cool. It has music, beer and food in that order and is full of travellers/young people. I like it. A lot.
Sunday morning I take a tour of the slums. Really good tour. I was amazed as I was expecting beggars but the slums are actually a mini industry recycling all of Mumbais rubbish generating lots of cash. The living conditions admitedly leave a lot to be desired as does the sanitation, but so interesting.I learnt so much about the different trades, the difference between the muslim and hindu slums and the education of slum children. It's quite humbling and I make a mental note to give more money to comic relief. http://www.realitytoursandtravel.com/
After lunch I went for a walk and to take a few pictures of the Gateway. Harassed might come close. I was nigh on mobbed for pictures and photographs. The Gateway is a monument the British built during the colonial times to celebrate the vist of King George V and Queen Mary, it was the monument first seen by those arriving by the sea. Anyway! British monument, white girl, feeding frenzy for the Indian tourists wanting pictures left right and centre. Needless to say I escaped to go find the taxi driver. He was asleep, so I woke him up and asked where the Gandi museum was. He pointed me in the general direction and sent me on my way. Wrong museum dickhead. It was the Prince of Wales museum. So back I went and explained. He didn't get it. Asked me to go in the shop again 'for just 5 minutes ma'am' repeatedly. Wrong girl to try and bully into doing something I don't want to do. I didn't go in the shop. Couldn't find the Gandhi museum...after several stops to ask other drivers we eventually found it. The house wasn't that great to be honest. Interesting but slightly dull. I want a cold beer. I ask the diver to take me to Leopold Cafe, he moans 'we've just come from there', I was paying, don't really get is issue, then asks me am I ok, we argue again and I tell him to just return me to the hotel. He does, he tries to get an extra 50 Rupees out of me for parking. Does he actually think I was born yesterday?!? Not a chance in hell mate. In fact, I want a refund for your bad attitude. Parking indeed.
Now I get a nice relaiable hotel car back into town for the Mumbai by night tour where I meet an American called Karina. The tour guide meets us and we go to Marine Drive and Chowpatty Beach; the most popular in Mumbai. We then go to a water bank and walk to a Jain temple. Visitors can't go in the Jain temple but you can look inside. Very decorative and ornate. Then to the hanging gardens, with a view over the bay and the queens necklace. It's called this a) because of the british b) because of the shape of the bay and c) because the lights look like pearls. So basically, the bay is the queens pearl necklace??? I don't think this translates well...
After a drive through the red light district (where there is a police station at the end of the very road - pointed out as an indicator of how corrupt India is!) and a visit to the Station (a World Heritage Site) me and Karina go to Leopolds for a beer where we meet Faye and her mate. They're cool and we go to Cafe Mondegar for more beer. I'm shattered, and have work tomorrow so its home time for Chadders.
Monday. Forever known as Indias day of food. OMG WTF. I have never eaten so much in one day in my life. After breakfast I'm waiting for Arek, nothing, I call his room and we're only being picked up at 10am. School girl!! Nevermind, pool/tan for an hour it is then :-). After another 1.5 hour drive to the warehouse they're really is not a lot we can do. Count a bit of glass, check the doors etc. Samir takes us to a Chinese all you can eat buffet. The Dim Sum was good! Chubby chubbster over here ate faaaaar too much, but the chocolate in batter was too good to be true, what was I supposed to do??
Samir drops us back at the hotel so I go work by the pool. I love my job though I am beginning to worry if the laptop can overheat and explode, I guess I'll find out. 6:30pm Samir and his wife pick us up to take us for some tea and drinks. We head to Jatsu beach and try some street food. Eeeek. Living dangerously. It was so good. We tried hkljhfkjsn which costs less than a pound here but Samir informs me you can expect to pay aroun £15 for a dish of this is London. We then try hkfhszkjs which is like vegetable curry with bread and some Indian ice cream. It's creamier than ice cream from home and i love it. Done. No. Samir said thats just the starter and they take us to a restaurant called Out of the Blue in Central Mumbai. I was soo full it was untrue so ordered Margherita chicken thinking this would be manageable, no carbs. Except it came with a pile of rice and chips. URGH. I feel sick but I 'must leave room for dessert. Catherine you love chocolate you cannot leave this restaurant without trying one, I won't let you.' Ok. I order the chocolate brownie sizzler with kahlua. NOBODY ELSE ORDERS A DESSERT. They're all too full. Excuse me, I'm about to explode here but got one as I thought everyone else was too. Flippin' great.
The dessert arrives. Its on a sizzling plate, they pour chocolate sauce and the kahlua on it, theres smoke everywhere, the chocolate all caramelises. It tastes like heaven. I'm glad i got the dessert!
Tuesday morning is work from the hotel day. I'm sat by the pool. I can feel all the curry beginning to take effect on my body. And lack of exercise. Bits are wobbling which shouldn't be wobbling. Note to self. STOP EATING!!! That said, I had for dinner at another hotel to their restaurant called Peswari. The food was amazing and you eat with your hands, knives and forks not allowed, and actually this primitive way of eating was fun, even if I was on my own.
5:30am get up for the flight to Delhi. I'm knackered and fall asleep almost instantly on the flight. Seriously got to stop falling asleep before take off though, if we crash I'm never gonna know what to do!! And taking off is a pretty violent wake up call!! I arrive in Delhi and the hotel car is there. A toyota 4x4. I want a 4x4 now. The driver takes it upon himself to point out all the monuments in Delhi. Its extremely British looking which the driver informs me is from when the British were here and an architect called Lutyens designed all the buildings. We arrive at the hotel and are Namaste'ing all over the shop. The hotel is nice. Like really nice. http://theimperialindia.com/
I go for a wander. It's daunting, with people staring, trying to drag you in shops, rickshaws and taxis all trying to get your business but I manage to find my way to Wengers a cool bakery and get some iced tea and a cake. Its roasting, like 45 degrees. As I walk along eating my cheesecake, a child comes upto me and steals the cake out of my hands and runs away. If they went to that much bother and are really that hungry they can have it!!
I go to a bar called Q'BA with a roof terrace but its too hot to sit in the sun so I sit inside and will a nice cold cocktail. It was here that later on I would make some new friends. I took my first ride on a rickshaw to a tourist office whom straight away I decided was fake and trying to rip me off so I headed to the foreign rail office at the rail station. Not great and I had no passport so couldn't buy a ticket anyway. Went and did a little shopping and then headed back to the hotel for an hour by the pool before the 'free' yoga class after eating my 'free' fruit platter, which was again amazing.
So Q'BA bar for tea and drinks on the terrace. Sitting outside makes eating/drinking alone more socially acceptable. I get talking to an American but then they're dinner arrives so I go back to minding my own business. The a couple (also American) ask to share my table. I go to the loo and return to find American guy and his mate have now joined also and actually we are now all friends and are going out. The American guys from New York, a trader and is fit. We go to a club which is dead, the other Americans are cosmetic surgeons/beauty people and have worked on Rhianna! They show us pictures to prove it. Fit American is fit. I didn't.
So this getting the train thing to Agra is proving pretty difficult. Its sold out. I go to an office and meet a guy called Singh who helps plan the rest of the trip. I look at the hotels etc, it's actually ok, we've changed my trip to include Udaipur and overall it seems better and more safe. I have a car for the day for Deli too so go to the Red Fort. Pretty cool. But the photographs are being taken again by every tom, dick and harry and they start to piss me off. This foreign tourist skip the line business however I do like. I get the driver to take me to Humayans Tomb. This is the original Taj Mahal and it's well cool. Way better than the Fort. It's 45 degrees again. I'm too hot. I want the pool. Sight seeing is over for the day. Pool it is.
At the fort I bumped into a lady staying at my hotel and we have a brief chat. Shes at the pool so we conclude to go for dinner together. We go to Karims; a cool local place but it's closed so I take her to Q'BA. It's embarassing now, the staff recognise me as if I'm a regular which I guess I am going twice in two days but Cayan likes it. Shes about my mums age, an interior/artist from Canada has just arrived from Cashmere were she was buying rugs/materials to sell. She's very interesting and gave me a card to call when in Toronto. She has some very interesting stories a tips for travelling alone! We have a drink and smoke and head back. I'm tired. Busy night lastnight! Singh calls wanting to go for a beer. Yeah right mate. He was pretty fit but I don't think he really just wants a beer. The next morning I wake up to 5 texts off him asking to come to my hotel. Unbelievable.
Friday. Agra travel time. After pool obvs. I do a little shopping for jewels and elephants statues etc. This was for Mother but I've changed my mind. Elephants mine. Sorry Mum! Driver Rahul arrives. He's pretty cool and his English is good. He takes me to the Gate of India; a massive arch. Its cool. A lady pins some piece of paper on me with the Indian flag on and tries to charge me 100 rupees for the privelige. Jog on love. Oh and great the pin has pricked me. Am I upto date with Tetanus??? As we're leaving, we're driving along and overtake a Elephant on the road. Yes. An elephant. Rahul pulls over so I can have my picture with Nelly. On the drive we also see a camel!! As well as horses and of course cows. Lots and lots of cows.
The drive to Agra is 4 hours long. Rahul lets me put my ipod on. DMX X gon' give it to you blasting out in India probably isn't appropriate. He turns it down. As with most of the songs until Sean Paul comes on and he turns it up, oh you like this one do you Rahul? Saturdays come on, apparently he likes them too as he didnt't turn it down. Shortly afterwards however he tells me the ipod needs to take a rest now and puts Punjabi music on. Guetta, Avicii and the Black Keys clearly aren't his thing! I don't understand a word of Punjabi, so Rahul proceeds to try and explain what the songs mean. Deaf ears mate, I ain't interested in the words. Rahul then decides to tell me he doesn't know where the hotel is. I fucking freak. Brilliant. Ripped off by yet another Indian. Bloody Singh and co. Actually Ma'am, I'm just joking. Little fucker. He knew, but thought it was funny to wind me up.
Hotels nice. Indian snacks and Kingfisher. Bed.
5am. Wake up to visit Mr Taj Mahal. AMAZING. MAGNIFICENT. WONDERFUL. I can say no more. And I saw monkeys and bright green parrots. What more could you want??
Jaipur tonight. Oh yeaaaaahhhhh.
The drive to Jaipur is long. We call at the monkey temple. The walk up from the car park is daunting, pretty unsafe but I manage. The temple is scruffy as but the monkeys are cute and not aggressive. They're are a lot of baby monkeys. They're cute. A random Indian family ask me to take the picture. I don't know why but it's nice to be asked to take someones picture rather than be mithered for yours to be taken.
We arrive at the hotel about 6pm and its still hot so mojito by the pool, kindle and cigarette. Perfect!!! I chill out here for a while before having dinner on the roof. There is entertainment in the form of Indian music and dancers. I say dancers, there were two and they danced alone ie not at the same time. The hotel pretty much closes at 9pm, so I went back to my room. Shahpura House was nice; clean, comfortable etc but I was scared. The room was creepy and there was a constant jingling so I slept with the light on. The jingling turned out to be bells on the bottom of the curtains which were being blown by the air con. Idiot Catherine.It wasn't rats with collars which had bells on at all!!!
Morning arrives and I survived the night. Quick hour by the pool before we head to Elefantastic. Elefantastic is an experience where you spend some time on an Elephant farm owned by Rahul. I went for the overnight option which involved staying at Rahuls family home. I went to the elephant farm and met a girl called Erin. We made food for the elephants, had some lunch, painted the elephants and then went on an elephant ride. Erin left and I stayed and hung around the elephant barn with Rahul and his friend and a girl called Alice from California. About 1am I went to bed ready to be woken up at 5am to go wash the elephants at the farm. How do we get to the farm in the morning?!? By motorbike. This was my first go on a motorbike. I loved it. I now want a motorbike. We go to the farm and then ride the elephants upto the lake where we spend some time washing the elephants. Me and Rahul go back to the house for more sleep. I'm uber tired when Rahuls Mum wakes me at 9am for breakfast. She makes the most amazing chai and i gobble up banana, some biscuit type thing and pints of chai before Rahul arrives. We go upto the fort and I take a few pictures from the outside but don't go in.
I visit the wind palace; a world heritage site to do with astonomers etc. It's quite interesting but you can't climb on the things. I found out the hard way as usual. I then went to City Palace but half of it was shut. To be honest, it could do with a good lick of paint and a tidy up. Would do it wonders!
Following this I head to the Ladli School for Girls. It's a place for rescued street children, a project set up which schools them and also teaches them small practical skills what they could use to trade with later in life. The girls were making jewellery, keyrings, necklaces, anklets etc. I spent about an hour there sitting and chatting with the girls. It took everything I had not to cry. And I ain't a crier. They were so happy, a young girl called Jasmine stuck a little jewel on my head as her and her friends had them. The others sat happily to chat showing me their work books and what they were making, telling me about their favourite subjects and what they liked to play. It was cool and extremely humbling. Once finished the manager of the school took me back to driver Rahul on his bike. Now don't get me wrong, when elephant Rahul took me on his motorbike I liked it; he was young, smelt good and was fit. This man was old and fat. I did not like this. Not one bit.
So the train to Udaipur is at lik 10:30pm. What to do now. Its 2pm. Rahul is getting bored of waiting; he wants to go back to Delhi. He's pissing me off. I make him take me back to Amber Fort so I can actually go into the fort for a wander round. Theres a severe absence in Jaipur of places to just sit and chill ie cafes or parks. I walked upto the fort but its like 40 odd degrees, so I come down and lie in some shade under a tree. A rabid dog decides to take a place under my tree also. I don't like said dog so move to another tree. I am aware of a large family watching me and smiling. I lie down and just close my eyes. I open them 5 minutes later to find them practically surrounding me taking pictures. I am unimpressed. I go find Rahul.
Rahul suggest we go to the cinema and catch a Bollywood film to waste some time. It was his best suggestion ever. Cinema is like well popular in India. The majority don't drink so going out to the pub etc is out. The cinema is huge, they show one film for about two weeks and its on three times a day. 3pm, 6pm and 9pm. All the films last for exactly 2.5 hours with the same basic story line. The girl fall in loves with guy, guy does something bad, the remainder of the film is the boy trying to win back the girls affection, girl falls back in love and its happy ever after. We watched Rowdy Ramthorne. It was a comedy along the lines of the above. When the main actors come on screen everyone in the cinema cheers and whistles. The film was in hindi but Rahul translated wherever I got confused. It was funny. Shockingly bad, but funny. And Rahul has the loudest laugh EVER. Bless him.
Train time. OMG. I was bricking it to say the least. So I pay 120 rupees to this porter dude to put me on a train. He leaves me with my bag at a bench next to where my carraige will stop and says he'll be back. Yeah right mate. I'm screwed if he doesn't come back because this train system is the most complicated I've ever experienced. Train station stinks. A man shouts at me for smoking. Really??? This place reeks; I'm doing you a favour covering the smell up. Like Christ I'm not not smoking, smoking gives me a purpose in this god forsaken place ie I look busy; tramps will not bother me and random people will not try to engage in conversation. Theres a young girl (by young maybe 18) on the bench behind me. She satnds up and just watches me and keeps smiling. I smile back. This goes on for about an hour. I didn't know what else to do. Anyway, after said hour, strike me down and call me jesus but the porter dude returns and hoists my back and me onto this train. I HAVE A BED. Amazing. Train takes like 7 hours and is overnight. So I climb into my bunk, alls hunky dory until the ticket inspector wakes me at about 1:30am to check my ticket. I thought I was being mugged or something; certainly picked his time to check tickets thats for certain. After that, there was a man snoring on the bed opposite. I swear to god he could of woke the dead with that snoring. I did ponder going and turning him on his side but I figured that is probably socially unacceptable and just tried my best to sleep instead.
I arrive in Udaipur at 6am ish. A man is waiting for me at the train station with a board with my name on. This is promising. Turns out auto-rickshaws have just gone up market these days. Me and my luggage were flung around for about 20mins for the ride to the hotel why 'Bunty' told me all about Udaipur and how Octopussy the James Bond film was made there. Everyone in Udaipur is so proud of this.
The hotel isn't even open when we arrive. Hotel is an overstatement. Its a guest house but it looks over the lake. Udaipur is like Indias Venice in that there are two large lakes with little floating islands on them. Its very beatiful. I consult Lonely Planet and Trip Advisor and head out for a walk and upto the palace. Udaipur is by far my favourite part of my trip to date. The Palace is cool and I get a little boat trip to one of the islands though we can't stay so thats a bit pants. I head back and catch an auto rickshaw to the Whistling Teal. Its a cafe where you can smoke Hookah/Shisha and I have some really yummy food. Some students sit behind me and start discussing politics. They're pissing me off so I left and food a roof top cafe for a beer and more smoke. And then another roof top for more beer.
I arrange a trip to go horseriding the following day and head out to a restaurant over the other side of the lake on a hotel roof top. The restaurant is nice. Like real nice and the mojitos are good. The view is amazing and watching the sun go down on the lake is something special. I head back across and go to a new roof top restaurant where I make some new friends. However guest house curfew is 11pm. If your not back you ain't getting in. So it was just a friendly few beers rather than a wild one. I was back and 10:59. Guess whos locked out. Yep. That would be me. Fuck. I batter down the door. Somebody wakes up and lets me in. Phew.
Up at 7am for horseriding. This was fun. Its was a two hour walk/trot when I kicked the horse too hard which happened a few times through some of the villages. All the children were waving and we went to the lotus flower pond. A pond covered in lotus flowers. Clues in the name. Got back and man did my arse and legs hurt. I went for some breakfast and then to lastnights roof top cafe for a lemonade and a read of the old kindle until taxi time. I like Udaipur.
Last leg. Udaipur to Mumbai for one night until home time. Mumbai hotel - nicht gut. I imagine people get killed in this place. Foreigners like moi to be precise. The room was ok. But it just gave me the heebie jeebies. To call the lift, bang on the metal grate and the man who lives in the lift will be there asap. Oh yeah sure, thats not dodgy one bit is it. I'm going to Leopolds for tea. Not a chance I want room service. Oh and I love Leopolds.
So I eat dinner, have a beer, read a bit. Pay the bill. The waiter brings me over a napkin with a note written on it asking me to join the two guys across the room but I was leaving. They collar me on the way out and ask me to stay for just one beer. They reckon they're Turkish but one is very white and looks far to Russian to be Turkish but who am I to say he isn't??? He hardly speaks any english but manages to tell me I'm beautiful especially when I smile. Such a charmer!!! I let them buy me another beer. Then I leave. Bed time for Chadders. No I don't want to come to a club, no I'm not staying for just one more, no there is no place near the hotel for another drink. Honestly.
SO. 3 weeks and 6 days have passed. And its hometime. BA time. Business class time. Grey Goose time. 3 ilms time. And I'm home.
India it's been a pleasure. You truly were charming, delightful and awful all at the same time.
Lessons learnt:
Don't put off to tomorrow what you can do today
Just one picture is never just one picture
India head wobble actually means I don't have a fucking clue.
Give more money to comic relief
Don't climb on World Heritage Sites
Song of the trip: Tacabro - Tacata
May 2012. The Indian Adventure.
BA Business Class. This is better than you can actually imagine. First off the Club world Lounge. Food and all the drink you can wish for. My tipple of choice today is Grey Goose Citrone with 7up or Diet Coke. Accompanied with pastries, then olives than some salad/sandwiches without crusts, You know you've made it when the sandwiches lose their crusts haha.
Boarded the 10 hour flight from Heathrow to Hyderabad. Water, Orange juice or Champagne Madame??
CHAMPAGNE. Everytime. In a real glass I might add, not plastic. I have a pillow, a duvet, a personal tv, a reclining seat; the works. I heart business class. So three glasses of champagne down and the next thing I know we're 1.5 hours into the flight and the air hostess is asking what I would like to eat (from the menu choice - you get a choice?!?) as I was asleep when they took the orders, oh and would I like a top up of the champagne; she informs me I'm the only one on the champers so I have the whole bottle to get through; not a problem love!.
Sleeping tablet time. I ask for a vodka diet coke. The drink they brought was literally laced with vodka; so much so you could see through it. This got me to sleep for all of an our and half. So more vodka and another sleeping tablet required got me through another 2.5 hours.
Landed in Hyderabad local time 4:30. I'm shattered. Even the 'free' Elemis spa set is not disguising the bags under my eyes. For the first time I experience India's heat. 30 degrees. Its 5am. 30 degrees. My oh my. Checked in for the Air India flight to Vizag; the only person who checked my passport was the guy who took it for ID on entering the actual airport. Went the toilet, the lady wanted a tip. Are you f-ing kidding me, you opened the door, and i have zero cash to its tough luck.
Boarded the flight; pretty much empty, tried to get some sleep but excitement got the better of me and I didn't catch a wink. Landed in Hyderabad and got offered taxis all over the shop. Oh and they stare. Like properly stare at you. Now I know what its like to be in the minority. Couldn't find my taxi man which resulted in a slight panic on my part and then running over a mans foot with the luggage trolley. Anyways, found the taxi driver. Indian roads leave a lot to be desired. The drive was relatively normal but there's all these mini buses/fruit wagon type things. Motorcyclist's don't wear helmets and on driving to the hotel I realise that Comic Relief isn't a big blag; this place really is poverty stricken.
Hotel is A-Amazing. Pool overlooking Bengal Bay. I sleep for a bit then head to the pool. Its hot, like well hot but there's a cool breeze from the sea. Apparently its safe to venture out but maybe I'll leave that for tomorrow. Hotels in the shade in the afternoon so I head to the spa for a pedicure and my eyebrows threading and book myself in for a body scrub; it's so cheap it would be rude not to.
Curry for lunch. This was good, massala type thing with garlic naan. Yuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmy. So, back to the pool for a read of the old kindle and a bottle of beer. Bud. They don't have Cobra so my hopes of dancing to the Black Keys Gold on the Ceiling a la Cobra tv ad style are dashed for the time being. However, whilst sipping said beer overlooking the sea a new song comes on the ipod which is the theme tune of my life for the next hour: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ed8NBPmits Two Door Cinema Club. This is the Life.
Tea is burning hot lentil and tomato curry avec Kingfisher beer. Theres a horrendous storm, with fork lightening, the works. The leccy kept cutting out so I was eating in the dark but it was cool to watch the lightening dancing over the sea. Couple of vodkas in the bar writing this very blog. Day One done. Pretty good so far!! :-)
Day Two. Shiiiiiit. Forgot to take my malaria tablet yesterday, doing well Catherine I see. Oh well, I haven't even seen a mosquito yet. I'll be fine. Watermelon, eggs, papaya and coffee for breakfast. Papaya tastes like vomit. Never again!!! I resume my spot by the pool; maybe tomorrow I'll venture out?? Barman; can I make you a cocktail ma'am. Let me think about that for all of one second. Yes you can. Cocktail is good. Time for a cigarette. Cigaretta, cocktail, sitting by the pool in 40 degree heat. Life is good. So whilst I slowly get drunk/smoke myself to death I am beginning to realise I am the hotels latest attraction. A white lady, in a bikini, smoking and drinking. WTF. One teenage girl shyly asks for a picture with me, I look like crap but I oblige. Mistake. This draws in the crowds with anyone by the pool wanting a picture.
Full body scrub done, nap and tea. Then yep, bar again. I'm slightly worried about developing an alcohol problem but other than go the bar what am I supposed to do?? TV is shocking; it's not safe to go outside the hotel alone and I can't sit in my room, cabin fever will get me way faster there. So off I go, armed with laptop and kindle for a lonely night in the bar. The pool/barman sees me on facebook and makes me add him there a then. Little weird but never mind. I'm beginning to realise India people are very different in terms of social situations ie whats appropriate and what isn't. They burp and spit all the time. Clearing the throat turns my stomach, as does belching yet they don't see it as anything wrong. The men seem to think its their god given right to sit with you even if you look like you're busy. It's not like their fit, I probably wouldn't mind if they were...
Day 3. Ok, I need some normal conversation other than hotel staff/guests wanting to know hows my day been out of politeness/wheres the white lady from. Monday. Its a work day. So I fire up the laptop and head down to the pool. I can work and get a tan. This is a good working day!
The guys arrive and we agree to have dinner at 7:30. They are nice, not quite like me but I think thats an age difference but hey at least its a conversation. The pool boy is currently my new best mate and after his revelation that if he leaves the hotel he's going to jail well I want to distance myself as much as possible.
Day 4. One hour and a quarter drive or should I say near death experience to get to the plant. Man. That drive was horrendous. Cars and auto rickshaws everywhere. Driving policy; just go. Christ. Cows all over the shop. Pigs, rubbish, street traders. This is industrial India though and not the brightly coloured bazaars and streets you might imagine. It's horrible. Dirty. Outrageously poor. We pass through a kind of farming area, theres these little teepee shape huts made wood and covered with palms. I'm not sure if thats shelter for the cows or a persons house. I suspect the latter. Pretty standard day at work. However, this wobbling of the head is really beginning to hack me off now. You ask a question, the people give a none committal answer and wobble the head. If you don't know, stop wasting my time and say you don't know rather than leading me up the garden path and then I find out anyway!
So back to the hotel and dinner. Curry. Again. Boom. However, we do mix things up a little today and go the the hotels second restaurant. A typical Indian restaurant. It was good. So, beer anyone? No, they're gonna go to the room. This is gonna be a long two weeks. I had resolved not to smoke during the week, but i look like a loser just drinking, and i don't know what to do with my hands and the Indians think I'm mental sitting outside just for the sake of it. So I light up.
Day 5. Work done. Curry done. Bar. Here I meet Revanth and his mate. Revanth is staying at the hotel, he's been here three months. His mate's Dad is the hotel owner. These Indians are rich. Revanth went to uni in New Zealand and his mate in Leeds, so not typically Indian. I have time for them, they are normal and not just out to marry me. This sounds presumptuous that every man wants to marry me, but in India getting married is the aim of life. Anyway, we swap numbers as we're around the same age and its someone to hang out with.
Theres a group of middle aged men, getting drunk who decide I should join them. I don't want to, even if they're just being friendly, they look pervy. Q Cristian to the rescue. Cristians Italian. It was his birthday the day before so he buys beers. He's short. Thats unfortunate as he's quite cute otherwise. He's an engineer working at a pharmaceutical factory installing a machine with his colleague Massimo. He offers to be my friend and in some kind of unspoken agreement I know that Cristian will be here everynight as someone to talk to. YIEEES!
Nothing much happens on Thursday, except me and Cristian are by now seriously bored of India. Sick of being stuck in the hotel, sick of the head wobble, sick of curry and sick of excuses. It would be fair to say Thursday is a downer day.
Friday. PARTY TIME. No. We're in India. I sincerely doubt anything different will happen tonight than any other night except Revanth has text to go for a drink. So, me and Cristian meet Revanth at the bar. His friend Varsha (girl who went to uni in England - get in I have a female friend!!) and Vijay are here too as it's his birthday. Is this a miniature party potentially?? Yes. It was. Beers and shots all round. All purchased by Revanth and Vijay. Everyone discussses travels/music/films and we get drunk. Then we play taps. No ordinary taps, everytime you're out you have to do a shot. Oh my god. I've taken to saying this a lot as Cristian says it alllllll the time. The guys tell us of some bars to go on Saturday, they can name all of two thats how exciting Vizag is, but they promise to take us out on Saturday night. Brilliant. Saturday morning. Alarm goes off. My head hurts and oh shit. Theres a man in my bed. Goes by the name of Cristian. Fuck a duck. Make from this what you will but I'm gonna put it out there, whatever you're thinking is probably correct. Cristian goes to work, I nurse my hangover yet again by the pool.
Got to get ourselves up for the 'big night out', so I have dinner with Cristian and Massimo; the guys from work waved me off in the lift with a 'see you on Monday' on Friday night so I'm not banking on seeing them at all this weekend. Thank god for the Italians. I would have nothing to do. Anyway, Revanth and Varsha text, they aren't coming out, too hungover. Me and the Italians go for a walk. Yes like an actual walk where I left the hotel without the saftey of a car. Immediately I realise this is a mistake. The people stare, the kids come upto you begging, people whistle and shout to you. Masimmo and Cristian have taken to calling me Kate, after Kate Middleton, because the Indians are 'so obssessed by the white lady I must be royalty'. We go back after about 15 minutes and decide to try and get the Champions League on in the bar. This is a battle. The bar is shut at 11. Match kicks off at 11:30. We call Revanth. Revanth sorts it.
Kick off. The bar doesn't have subscription to the channel. FFS. Revanth again sorts it. Chelsea win. It's 3:30 after extra time and penalties. Bed time.
Sunday! Whoop. The guys from Cristian and Massimos work are taking us to the beach, I say us as I spend all my free time with them. They are fun and have introduced me to Tacata. The most stupid but fun song ever. Tacata cheers us all up when we are discussing how shit Vizag is. Sandeep, Locesh and someone else pick us up at 12. We stop for beers and head to the beach. Lets catch some rays!!! No, Kate, you must leave your clothes on. I'm sorry, I beg your pardon. Crisitan informs me Sandeep has told him I need to leave my shorts and t shirt on for my own safety or I will get mobbed. Brilliant. You can still go in the sea but must leave your clothes on. Er hello, have you never heard of chaffing?? Shorts + sea = chaffe. No ta. I'll sit here on the beach and drink beers why yous go in the sea. Secretly I think I have the better deal here.
The boys get a body board and go off playing. Its a shame Cristians so short, he's actually fun and even a little bit funny too. Lunchtime. Sandeep takes us to a local resort hotel and we have curried crab and chicken from the Tandoor with some noodles and more beers. Life is good. I'm beginning to see a pattern of food + beer = happy Catherine! We now have a favourite song being Tacata by Tacabro. Cristian and Massimo introduced me to it and whenever theres a quiet/bored moment, we break out into sing and dance to Tacata. This has been established over the course of the week but I forgot to mention it.
Back to the beach and I go in the sea. I took my shorts off but left on the top. We go to the cable cars. My god it looks rickety. I don't like cable cars at the best of times, let alone rickety looking ones in India. The boys buy flowers for my hair, this is tradition in South India. I do my best 'Kate Middleton' waving and saying hello to all the children/ladies in the cable car queue. At the top there is huge marble statues of the gods Shiva and Parvati. We go to the top of a building which is the highest point in Vizag for a view of Vizag at night. We then get pieces of material tied around our wrists, and sandlewood put between our eyes and do Namaste. We head back down in the cable car, one last stop for coconut and back to the hotel. I'm knackered. Today was a good day.
Work. Dull. Food, bar for a beer. Cristian wants me to go for a party in his room. No. I'm tired. I go to bed. The next day I wake up sick. I feel as rough as a bears arse and I'm convinced I have malaria. No you don't Cath, its just the dreaded Delhi belly. I go straight to bed when I get in from work, after calling maintenance as I've tripped the electric in the room. I want to cry over a fricking light. Defs time for a sleep. I wake upto a text of Crisitian worried as he didn't see me at dinner. He comes to see me 'to make me smile' and brings water to make me feel better. Did I mention it's a shame he's so short?? And he keeps insisting I go to Bologna on holiday to visit him. Sure; I love holidays and Italy!!! He's still too short.
Wednesday I feel better but still sick. I nap after work again and wake to another text from Crisitian saying he has some weed if I want some. Hell yeah. I go for a spliff then make a classic excuse of I need to go call my mum. Cristian has got on to the fact I am always sleepy/tired/sick/need to call my mum when it's time for what he calls 'relax'. He's sulking. Shame. He was fun.
Thursday. Work's all done except for the closing meeting. Boom. Party time. Meet Varsha and Revanth by the pool and arrange a drink as its Cristians and Massimos last night. I text Cristian. He isn't coming, he's tired. Yeah right, sulking more like. Needless to say, he turns up and buys the drinks anyway. We say our tearful (they weren't) goodbyes and go to bed. I go to Cristians for a smoke. You can make the rest up by yourself.
Friday night. I am bored. Nobody to hang out with. Go to the bar with the manager. Mumbai tomorrow. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!! Get me out of Vizag!
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| View of Mumbai Slum from Hotel |
Sunday morning I take a tour of the slums. Really good tour. I was amazed as I was expecting beggars but the slums are actually a mini industry recycling all of Mumbais rubbish generating lots of cash. The living conditions admitedly leave a lot to be desired as does the sanitation, but so interesting.I learnt so much about the different trades, the difference between the muslim and hindu slums and the education of slum children. It's quite humbling and I make a mental note to give more money to comic relief. http://www.realitytoursandtravel.com/
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| View of the Bay |
Nightmare with a taxi driver, the original one has swapped with his brother; more like with a rip off merchant. I have decided to go to the Taj Mahal Hotel for lunch, again famous for the 2008 terrorist attacks. The taxi driver pulls upto a shop nearby telling me I must go in the shop. They're on commission from shops to take tourists there, a common scam. I told him I'm not going in the shop. Therefore I walk to the hotel. Amazing hotel with staff with turbans like the guy out of Annie. Very British Maharaja type style and I felt the need to keep saying 'quintisensually british' over and over in my head. I don't even know what this means. Anyway, I digress. I have samosas in the Sea Lounge overlooking the Bay and the Gateway to India. I also drink Jasmine Tea which apparently isn't Indian tea, only Darjeeling and Assam is Indian tea, fucked up there didn't I but Jasmine smelt and tasted good.
After lunch I went for a walk and to take a few pictures of the Gateway. Harassed might come close. I was nigh on mobbed for pictures and photographs. The Gateway is a monument the British built during the colonial times to celebrate the vist of King George V and Queen Mary, it was the monument first seen by those arriving by the sea. Anyway! British monument, white girl, feeding frenzy for the Indian tourists wanting pictures left right and centre. Needless to say I escaped to go find the taxi driver. He was asleep, so I woke him up and asked where the Gandi museum was. He pointed me in the general direction and sent me on my way. Wrong museum dickhead. It was the Prince of Wales museum. So back I went and explained. He didn't get it. Asked me to go in the shop again 'for just 5 minutes ma'am' repeatedly. Wrong girl to try and bully into doing something I don't want to do. I didn't go in the shop. Couldn't find the Gandhi museum...after several stops to ask other drivers we eventually found it. The house wasn't that great to be honest. Interesting but slightly dull. I want a cold beer. I ask the diver to take me to Leopold Cafe, he moans 'we've just come from there', I was paying, don't really get is issue, then asks me am I ok, we argue again and I tell him to just return me to the hotel. He does, he tries to get an extra 50 Rupees out of me for parking. Does he actually think I was born yesterday?!? Not a chance in hell mate. In fact, I want a refund for your bad attitude. Parking indeed.
Now I get a nice relaiable hotel car back into town for the Mumbai by night tour where I meet an American called Karina. The tour guide meets us and we go to Marine Drive and Chowpatty Beach; the most popular in Mumbai. We then go to a water bank and walk to a Jain temple. Visitors can't go in the Jain temple but you can look inside. Very decorative and ornate. Then to the hanging gardens, with a view over the bay and the queens necklace. It's called this a) because of the british b) because of the shape of the bay and c) because the lights look like pearls. So basically, the bay is the queens pearl necklace??? I don't think this translates well...
After a drive through the red light district (where there is a police station at the end of the very road - pointed out as an indicator of how corrupt India is!) and a visit to the Station (a World Heritage Site) me and Karina go to Leopolds for a beer where we meet Faye and her mate. They're cool and we go to Cafe Mondegar for more beer. I'm shattered, and have work tomorrow so its home time for Chadders.
Monday. Forever known as Indias day of food. OMG WTF. I have never eaten so much in one day in my life. After breakfast I'm waiting for Arek, nothing, I call his room and we're only being picked up at 10am. School girl!! Nevermind, pool/tan for an hour it is then :-). After another 1.5 hour drive to the warehouse they're really is not a lot we can do. Count a bit of glass, check the doors etc. Samir takes us to a Chinese all you can eat buffet. The Dim Sum was good! Chubby chubbster over here ate faaaaar too much, but the chocolate in batter was too good to be true, what was I supposed to do??
Samir drops us back at the hotel so I go work by the pool. I love my job though I am beginning to worry if the laptop can overheat and explode, I guess I'll find out. 6:30pm Samir and his wife pick us up to take us for some tea and drinks. We head to Jatsu beach and try some street food. Eeeek. Living dangerously. It was so good. We tried hkljhfkjsn which costs less than a pound here but Samir informs me you can expect to pay aroun £15 for a dish of this is London. We then try hkfhszkjs which is like vegetable curry with bread and some Indian ice cream. It's creamier than ice cream from home and i love it. Done. No. Samir said thats just the starter and they take us to a restaurant called Out of the Blue in Central Mumbai. I was soo full it was untrue so ordered Margherita chicken thinking this would be manageable, no carbs. Except it came with a pile of rice and chips. URGH. I feel sick but I 'must leave room for dessert. Catherine you love chocolate you cannot leave this restaurant without trying one, I won't let you.' Ok. I order the chocolate brownie sizzler with kahlua. NOBODY ELSE ORDERS A DESSERT. They're all too full. Excuse me, I'm about to explode here but got one as I thought everyone else was too. Flippin' great.
The dessert arrives. Its on a sizzling plate, they pour chocolate sauce and the kahlua on it, theres smoke everywhere, the chocolate all caramelises. It tastes like heaven. I'm glad i got the dessert!
Tuesday morning is work from the hotel day. I'm sat by the pool. I can feel all the curry beginning to take effect on my body. And lack of exercise. Bits are wobbling which shouldn't be wobbling. Note to self. STOP EATING!!! That said, I had for dinner at another hotel to their restaurant called Peswari. The food was amazing and you eat with your hands, knives and forks not allowed, and actually this primitive way of eating was fun, even if I was on my own.
5:30am get up for the flight to Delhi. I'm knackered and fall asleep almost instantly on the flight. Seriously got to stop falling asleep before take off though, if we crash I'm never gonna know what to do!! And taking off is a pretty violent wake up call!! I arrive in Delhi and the hotel car is there. A toyota 4x4. I want a 4x4 now. The driver takes it upon himself to point out all the monuments in Delhi. Its extremely British looking which the driver informs me is from when the British were here and an architect called Lutyens designed all the buildings. We arrive at the hotel and are Namaste'ing all over the shop. The hotel is nice. Like really nice. http://theimperialindia.com/
I go for a wander. It's daunting, with people staring, trying to drag you in shops, rickshaws and taxis all trying to get your business but I manage to find my way to Wengers a cool bakery and get some iced tea and a cake. Its roasting, like 45 degrees. As I walk along eating my cheesecake, a child comes upto me and steals the cake out of my hands and runs away. If they went to that much bother and are really that hungry they can have it!!
I go to a bar called Q'BA with a roof terrace but its too hot to sit in the sun so I sit inside and will a nice cold cocktail. It was here that later on I would make some new friends. I took my first ride on a rickshaw to a tourist office whom straight away I decided was fake and trying to rip me off so I headed to the foreign rail office at the rail station. Not great and I had no passport so couldn't buy a ticket anyway. Went and did a little shopping and then headed back to the hotel for an hour by the pool before the 'free' yoga class after eating my 'free' fruit platter, which was again amazing.
So Q'BA bar for tea and drinks on the terrace. Sitting outside makes eating/drinking alone more socially acceptable. I get talking to an American but then they're dinner arrives so I go back to minding my own business. The a couple (also American) ask to share my table. I go to the loo and return to find American guy and his mate have now joined also and actually we are now all friends and are going out. The American guys from New York, a trader and is fit. We go to a club which is dead, the other Americans are cosmetic surgeons/beauty people and have worked on Rhianna! They show us pictures to prove it. Fit American is fit. I didn't.
So this getting the train thing to Agra is proving pretty difficult. Its sold out. I go to an office and meet a guy called Singh who helps plan the rest of the trip. I look at the hotels etc, it's actually ok, we've changed my trip to include Udaipur and overall it seems better and more safe. I have a car for the day for Deli too so go to the Red Fort. Pretty cool. But the photographs are being taken again by every tom, dick and harry and they start to piss me off. This foreign tourist skip the line business however I do like. I get the driver to take me to Humayans Tomb. This is the original Taj Mahal and it's well cool. Way better than the Fort. It's 45 degrees again. I'm too hot. I want the pool. Sight seeing is over for the day. Pool it is.
At the fort I bumped into a lady staying at my hotel and we have a brief chat. Shes at the pool so we conclude to go for dinner together. We go to Karims; a cool local place but it's closed so I take her to Q'BA. It's embarassing now, the staff recognise me as if I'm a regular which I guess I am going twice in two days but Cayan likes it. Shes about my mums age, an interior/artist from Canada has just arrived from Cashmere were she was buying rugs/materials to sell. She's very interesting and gave me a card to call when in Toronto. She has some very interesting stories a tips for travelling alone! We have a drink and smoke and head back. I'm tired. Busy night lastnight! Singh calls wanting to go for a beer. Yeah right mate. He was pretty fit but I don't think he really just wants a beer. The next morning I wake up to 5 texts off him asking to come to my hotel. Unbelievable.
Friday. Agra travel time. After pool obvs. I do a little shopping for jewels and elephants statues etc. This was for Mother but I've changed my mind. Elephants mine. Sorry Mum! Driver Rahul arrives. He's pretty cool and his English is good. He takes me to the Gate of India; a massive arch. Its cool. A lady pins some piece of paper on me with the Indian flag on and tries to charge me 100 rupees for the privelige. Jog on love. Oh and great the pin has pricked me. Am I upto date with Tetanus??? As we're leaving, we're driving along and overtake a Elephant on the road. Yes. An elephant. Rahul pulls over so I can have my picture with Nelly. On the drive we also see a camel!! As well as horses and of course cows. Lots and lots of cows.
The drive to Agra is 4 hours long. Rahul lets me put my ipod on. DMX X gon' give it to you blasting out in India probably isn't appropriate. He turns it down. As with most of the songs until Sean Paul comes on and he turns it up, oh you like this one do you Rahul? Saturdays come on, apparently he likes them too as he didnt't turn it down. Shortly afterwards however he tells me the ipod needs to take a rest now and puts Punjabi music on. Guetta, Avicii and the Black Keys clearly aren't his thing! I don't understand a word of Punjabi, so Rahul proceeds to try and explain what the songs mean. Deaf ears mate, I ain't interested in the words. Rahul then decides to tell me he doesn't know where the hotel is. I fucking freak. Brilliant. Ripped off by yet another Indian. Bloody Singh and co. Actually Ma'am, I'm just joking. Little fucker. He knew, but thought it was funny to wind me up.
Hotels nice. Indian snacks and Kingfisher. Bed.
5am. Wake up to visit Mr Taj Mahal. AMAZING. MAGNIFICENT. WONDERFUL. I can say no more. And I saw monkeys and bright green parrots. What more could you want??
Jaipur tonight. Oh yeaaaaahhhhh.
The drive to Jaipur is long. We call at the monkey temple. The walk up from the car park is daunting, pretty unsafe but I manage. The temple is scruffy as but the monkeys are cute and not aggressive. They're are a lot of baby monkeys. They're cute. A random Indian family ask me to take the picture. I don't know why but it's nice to be asked to take someones picture rather than be mithered for yours to be taken.
We arrive at the hotel about 6pm and its still hot so mojito by the pool, kindle and cigarette. Perfect!!! I chill out here for a while before having dinner on the roof. There is entertainment in the form of Indian music and dancers. I say dancers, there were two and they danced alone ie not at the same time. The hotel pretty much closes at 9pm, so I went back to my room. Shahpura House was nice; clean, comfortable etc but I was scared. The room was creepy and there was a constant jingling so I slept with the light on. The jingling turned out to be bells on the bottom of the curtains which were being blown by the air con. Idiot Catherine.It wasn't rats with collars which had bells on at all!!!
Morning arrives and I survived the night. Quick hour by the pool before we head to Elefantastic. Elefantastic is an experience where you spend some time on an Elephant farm owned by Rahul. I went for the overnight option which involved staying at Rahuls family home. I went to the elephant farm and met a girl called Erin. We made food for the elephants, had some lunch, painted the elephants and then went on an elephant ride. Erin left and I stayed and hung around the elephant barn with Rahul and his friend and a girl called Alice from California. About 1am I went to bed ready to be woken up at 5am to go wash the elephants at the farm. How do we get to the farm in the morning?!? By motorbike. This was my first go on a motorbike. I loved it. I now want a motorbike. We go to the farm and then ride the elephants upto the lake where we spend some time washing the elephants. Me and Rahul go back to the house for more sleep. I'm uber tired when Rahuls Mum wakes me at 9am for breakfast. She makes the most amazing chai and i gobble up banana, some biscuit type thing and pints of chai before Rahul arrives. We go upto the fort and I take a few pictures from the outside but don't go in.
I visit the wind palace; a world heritage site to do with astonomers etc. It's quite interesting but you can't climb on the things. I found out the hard way as usual. I then went to City Palace but half of it was shut. To be honest, it could do with a good lick of paint and a tidy up. Would do it wonders!
Following this I head to the Ladli School for Girls. It's a place for rescued street children, a project set up which schools them and also teaches them small practical skills what they could use to trade with later in life. The girls were making jewellery, keyrings, necklaces, anklets etc. I spent about an hour there sitting and chatting with the girls. It took everything I had not to cry. And I ain't a crier. They were so happy, a young girl called Jasmine stuck a little jewel on my head as her and her friends had them. The others sat happily to chat showing me their work books and what they were making, telling me about their favourite subjects and what they liked to play. It was cool and extremely humbling. Once finished the manager of the school took me back to driver Rahul on his bike. Now don't get me wrong, when elephant Rahul took me on his motorbike I liked it; he was young, smelt good and was fit. This man was old and fat. I did not like this. Not one bit.
So the train to Udaipur is at lik 10:30pm. What to do now. Its 2pm. Rahul is getting bored of waiting; he wants to go back to Delhi. He's pissing me off. I make him take me back to Amber Fort so I can actually go into the fort for a wander round. Theres a severe absence in Jaipur of places to just sit and chill ie cafes or parks. I walked upto the fort but its like 40 odd degrees, so I come down and lie in some shade under a tree. A rabid dog decides to take a place under my tree also. I don't like said dog so move to another tree. I am aware of a large family watching me and smiling. I lie down and just close my eyes. I open them 5 minutes later to find them practically surrounding me taking pictures. I am unimpressed. I go find Rahul.
Rahul suggest we go to the cinema and catch a Bollywood film to waste some time. It was his best suggestion ever. Cinema is like well popular in India. The majority don't drink so going out to the pub etc is out. The cinema is huge, they show one film for about two weeks and its on three times a day. 3pm, 6pm and 9pm. All the films last for exactly 2.5 hours with the same basic story line. The girl fall in loves with guy, guy does something bad, the remainder of the film is the boy trying to win back the girls affection, girl falls back in love and its happy ever after. We watched Rowdy Ramthorne. It was a comedy along the lines of the above. When the main actors come on screen everyone in the cinema cheers and whistles. The film was in hindi but Rahul translated wherever I got confused. It was funny. Shockingly bad, but funny. And Rahul has the loudest laugh EVER. Bless him.
Train time. OMG. I was bricking it to say the least. So I pay 120 rupees to this porter dude to put me on a train. He leaves me with my bag at a bench next to where my carraige will stop and says he'll be back. Yeah right mate. I'm screwed if he doesn't come back because this train system is the most complicated I've ever experienced. Train station stinks. A man shouts at me for smoking. Really??? This place reeks; I'm doing you a favour covering the smell up. Like Christ I'm not not smoking, smoking gives me a purpose in this god forsaken place ie I look busy; tramps will not bother me and random people will not try to engage in conversation. Theres a young girl (by young maybe 18) on the bench behind me. She satnds up and just watches me and keeps smiling. I smile back. This goes on for about an hour. I didn't know what else to do. Anyway, after said hour, strike me down and call me jesus but the porter dude returns and hoists my back and me onto this train. I HAVE A BED. Amazing. Train takes like 7 hours and is overnight. So I climb into my bunk, alls hunky dory until the ticket inspector wakes me at about 1:30am to check my ticket. I thought I was being mugged or something; certainly picked his time to check tickets thats for certain. After that, there was a man snoring on the bed opposite. I swear to god he could of woke the dead with that snoring. I did ponder going and turning him on his side but I figured that is probably socially unacceptable and just tried my best to sleep instead.
I arrive in Udaipur at 6am ish. A man is waiting for me at the train station with a board with my name on. This is promising. Turns out auto-rickshaws have just gone up market these days. Me and my luggage were flung around for about 20mins for the ride to the hotel why 'Bunty' told me all about Udaipur and how Octopussy the James Bond film was made there. Everyone in Udaipur is so proud of this.
The hotel isn't even open when we arrive. Hotel is an overstatement. Its a guest house but it looks over the lake. Udaipur is like Indias Venice in that there are two large lakes with little floating islands on them. Its very beatiful. I consult Lonely Planet and Trip Advisor and head out for a walk and upto the palace. Udaipur is by far my favourite part of my trip to date. The Palace is cool and I get a little boat trip to one of the islands though we can't stay so thats a bit pants. I head back and catch an auto rickshaw to the Whistling Teal. Its a cafe where you can smoke Hookah/Shisha and I have some really yummy food. Some students sit behind me and start discussing politics. They're pissing me off so I left and food a roof top cafe for a beer and more smoke. And then another roof top for more beer.
I arrange a trip to go horseriding the following day and head out to a restaurant over the other side of the lake on a hotel roof top. The restaurant is nice. Like real nice and the mojitos are good. The view is amazing and watching the sun go down on the lake is something special. I head back across and go to a new roof top restaurant where I make some new friends. However guest house curfew is 11pm. If your not back you ain't getting in. So it was just a friendly few beers rather than a wild one. I was back and 10:59. Guess whos locked out. Yep. That would be me. Fuck. I batter down the door. Somebody wakes up and lets me in. Phew.
Up at 7am for horseriding. This was fun. Its was a two hour walk/trot when I kicked the horse too hard which happened a few times through some of the villages. All the children were waving and we went to the lotus flower pond. A pond covered in lotus flowers. Clues in the name. Got back and man did my arse and legs hurt. I went for some breakfast and then to lastnights roof top cafe for a lemonade and a read of the old kindle until taxi time. I like Udaipur.
Last leg. Udaipur to Mumbai for one night until home time. Mumbai hotel - nicht gut. I imagine people get killed in this place. Foreigners like moi to be precise. The room was ok. But it just gave me the heebie jeebies. To call the lift, bang on the metal grate and the man who lives in the lift will be there asap. Oh yeah sure, thats not dodgy one bit is it. I'm going to Leopolds for tea. Not a chance I want room service. Oh and I love Leopolds.
So I eat dinner, have a beer, read a bit. Pay the bill. The waiter brings me over a napkin with a note written on it asking me to join the two guys across the room but I was leaving. They collar me on the way out and ask me to stay for just one beer. They reckon they're Turkish but one is very white and looks far to Russian to be Turkish but who am I to say he isn't??? He hardly speaks any english but manages to tell me I'm beautiful especially when I smile. Such a charmer!!! I let them buy me another beer. Then I leave. Bed time for Chadders. No I don't want to come to a club, no I'm not staying for just one more, no there is no place near the hotel for another drink. Honestly.
SO. 3 weeks and 6 days have passed. And its hometime. BA time. Business class time. Grey Goose time. 3 ilms time. And I'm home.
India it's been a pleasure. You truly were charming, delightful and awful all at the same time.
Lessons learnt:
Don't put off to tomorrow what you can do today
Just one picture is never just one picture
India head wobble actually means I don't have a fucking clue.
Give more money to comic relief
Don't climb on World Heritage Sites
Song of the trip: Tacabro - Tacata
